Deconstructing Mom

Originally published in Book of Matches

They would start in the den

Small. Organized.

Dad had said to take anything they might use so

they built two boxes. Keep. Donate.

The classics were no surprise

In the classroom she had shone brightest and laughed. Most.

Faulkner, Dante, the Russian and others she loved quickly filled Donate

Her older boy said he’d leave, buy more

The other said he’d stay

to stack her staunch companions.

Atop a tidy desk, fat Malory wobbled atop crooked Graves,

Between Chaucer and Milton, Moliere protruded, thin, haphazard

and the younger wondered if she had ever enjoyed today.

The older returned, said “Who knows?” and by lunch those who understood were entombed and taped shut.

They ate burgers in her kitchen, where she had toiled to reinvent their gripes,

and could not find the words to quiet her memory, silent and sorry for something they could not name.

Glad not to have used her dishes, they wadded waxed paper and soiled napkins.

Into Donate 2 they dumped unopened cookbooks

collections of poems that had no stories.

“I don’t get it.” the older said, and the other nodded because he was the younger.

History books (she said you must know what they lived through) next,

too bulky, unwieldy

so that maybe some buff will pick through to read a spine that makes him smile.

Parenting guides, how-to-grieve, promises of life extensions

chucked into the hollow

until they reached the lowest shelves

of dusty guides to lands others painted:

the Lakes,

the place he first spotted Beatrice,

the city where so much happened it changed names three times.

Her dingy hopes, all of them, tumbled into cardboard, somersaulting upon themselves, collapsing onto one another in the speed of the living

while wisps of discard floated up

to beg them stop or slow.

“We may just beat the traffic,” the older said, and the other nodded because he was the younger

and could not find the words.

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